The Quarter Life Crisis

I’m sure most people remember in their High School years being told the “This is the best time of your life”, “You have no idea how good you have it”, or maybe even “Life sucks when you get older, just wait and see”.  I don’t know how other people interpreted these statements, but I just dismissed them as something adults said toteens when they realized how little in common they conversationally.

      “Of course our lives out good, doing kick flips on half pipe is the Lord’s work”- quote from a youth of today

I know I felt pretty great about my future; as in I didn’t think anything unfortunate could stop me from whatever goal I choose to pursue.  I figured this was optimistic thinking, and as I got in to my early twenties I realized it naïve thinking; finally in my mid twenties it revealed itself as plain ignorance.

Now don’t think I’m using this as an opportunity to parrot what I was being told to people now in their teens probably with the same ignorance/naivety/confidence.  I more want to discuss that awful, gut crushing, and confidence ruining anxiety I stumbled across, and often see in other around me.

Think about this, you and your friends were all on the same playing field in high school.  For the most part we all had the same opportunities, and all the rules were made obvious.  If you wanted to be on the football team, go to football practice.  If you wanted good grades, study and listen in class.  If you wanted to be popular, then hang around the right people; so on and so forth.  We all ate in the same lunch room, sat in the same desks, and were taught by the same school facility, and were shoulder to shoulder with people we thought were the coolest kids out there.  Then we graduate, and all those rules no longer apply.

When we got home with our shinny new diploma, a year book filled with nothing but encouragement, and the feelings of a bright future; when out of no where comes a bold Somalian pirate called Life. He hijacks our our little ship of ambitions and plans with AK-47’s that shoot bills and unfairness, looks us in the eyes and says “I’m the captain now”.

                 At this point Forrest Gump regretted going into the Shrimping Business

Now again, not trying to rain on anyones parade, because I’m pretty sure Tom Hanks gets to be the Captain again later in the movie Captain Phillips.  I just know I can relate to that one scene in the trailer where you see control being ripped away from The-Former-Captain Phillips.  To me, that loss of control came from a being told I couldn’t serve in the Military due to being deaf in my left ear.  My first career choice fell apart before I could even start it, and I had no back up, no scholarships, no career direction, and most of my friends already had most of this planed years ago.  This is were the insecurity of ‘not being of the same status as your peers’ started for me.

I was so comfortable and content with being beside all my friends in high school, and thought it would always be that way.  Then we graduate, and I watched them fly right past me and I was left with not one clue of how to keep up.  It was a new type of anxiety, and one that could undermine any success I achieved for years to come.

I have a pretty good feeling that I’m not the only person that felt this at one time or the other. Let’s make sure were on the same page; Do any of these thoughts seem familiar?  “My friends married, why am I not?”, “Why did I choose this career; I’m going to make way less then my friends”, “I don’t care if I got the job, It will take years for me to become successful with it”, “I may have graduated, but I haven’t moved out on my own yet”.

  “Part of being successful is laughing at people less successful than yourself” – a Jerk

This uneasy feeling of never enough was just waiting around the corner for most of us.  It honestly made me look at some of my dearest friends, and wonder if my time with them was up.  It’s silly to say, but in my mind I didn’t think I could be around these friends since they were more educated, made more money, or had a more exciting career then I would ever have.  I naively thought that friendship without common ground was unsustainable.

           I got a Doctorate Degree, But Jimmy got a Super-Doctorate; I’m such a failure.

It’s appropriate to call this a crisis, and here we thought these only showed up in the “mid-life”. Unfortunately, this ‘quarter-life crisis’ isn’t fixed with buying a boat, or a motorcycle, but fortunately is fixed with something way easier; in theory at least.

The first way to shake this anxiety of never being successful is to stop comparing yourself to your friends;  It’s not fair to them, and not fair to yourself.  You as a person aren’t defined solely on your education or salary, so don’t define or judge others on theirs; even if they are your bestie.

Next, take a second to really appreciate whatever you have been successful in.  Success shouldn’t be defined by other, but by yourself. Achievement does not have to be school or job related; some have success with the how they conduct themselves, express themselves, or even in how they create. The tricky thing to these types of success is that there usually isn’t a trophy for them, and they might go unnoticed.   Just know you will never know how to feel satisfied or happy if you refuse to acknowledge what you’ve accomplished.

Lastly, and most importantly, “Chill the Fuck out”.  I know we didn’t expect harsh language, and there are so many different and better ways to express myself, but fuck it I’m going hard in the paint here.  Chill Out! Dude! Does all your friends being married while you’re still single make you a failure? Does your friend really want to stop hanging out with, because you make less money then they do? Do you really have to a doctorate in your given field to be happy?  The answer to these questions should be no, and that answer might come easy to some people.  I know these lesson didn’t come easy for me, and I still have a lot to learn. However I’m happy to say this is just one more anxiety/insecurity/ somalin pirate that I now know how to deal with.  Notice I said not get rid of, but how to deal with.

         Where you at Midlife Crisis? I’m jacked and ready to write a blog about you too!

Now I’m not saying you shouldn’t try and go for that doctorate, or try to make as much money as possible.  I’m also not saying that you should not care about your friends achievements, and you should be just as happy for their success as they are.  I just want to point how important it is for you own well being to take a second and appreciate the trophies you’ve won, and to display them were can you see them glint.

On Animated Movies

Being a kid is great, end of story.  Well except for not being able to drive, not having any money, always having someone older shoveling information down your gullet in hopes of you growing up to invent new ways to utilize touch screen phones, or your prepubescent voice squeaking out anything that might actually be intellectual or credible and being told “You will change you’re mind when you get older”.  Of course the subjective, bad reasons of being young range from slightly crappy to absolutely dreadful, but one I believe all kids mutually share is not getting to see the “adult” movies.  Now don’t go off the deep end, and think I’m talking about private movies you watch alone with your door locked.  I’m talking about those action movies that we were too young for, those comedy movies that would have went right over our heads, or that PG-13 movie that didn’t even have the slightest bit of youth crushing content, and yet you still got grounded for trying to watch it.

It seemed like parents were raging a war for our ‘fragile minds’, and that if we saw the top side of a nipple for half a second we would clean out their saving account, and run to the nearest strip club in order to see what else women wear hiding under their clothing.  Understandably, Mom and Dad want to protect their kids from negative influence, and so parents learned about ratings, and shoot them like bullets at our weak requests of going to see Beavis and Butt-head do America.

Now to empathize with parents, because they took us to theater, and couldn’t see the before mentioned nipple either. Instead they choose to see an entertaining movie free of the the F word for the sake of their children.  When going down the route to choose a family friendly movie your options are most likely going to be an an animated one.  Now some animated movies are unwatchable to people over eight.  Even if the animation is decent, the plot may be a mess, the characters have no memorable qualities, and then there is that one character.  That one character with the annoying voice, speaking the whole movie in absolute gibberish, and for what ever reason it’s your child’s favorite character.  Now being the wonderful parent you are you go and buy it’s action figure, only to hear its annoying voice all the time outside the theater as well.  Gladly, this isn’t always the case.

Animated movies have a very special place in entertainment, for they are the compromise.  They are the movie that the parents and children can both see, and hopefully leave without being too bored or traumatized.  At least the good ones do this.  I mean the flicks that provide a story that is wholesome and fun for children; one free from innuendos, unneeded violence and hopefully, an annoyingly voiced character.  The best ones not only entertain the children, but provide enjoyment for the tired, stressed, night class attending, underappreciated, probably on the verge of a divorce, had to wake up at 4 this mourning, dying for a drink adults as well. (I’m sure happy, content adults would enjoy these moves too, but the former needs something enjoyable a bit more in my opinion)

A perfect example of a movie made to be enjoyed by the whole family is the Pixar debut movie Toy Story.  What a wonderful movie it is, I mean really, I mean not even exaggerating in the least wonderful.  Except for the part we all thought the scary kids toys were eating Buzz, that was pretty awful. None the less, this movie really does hit all kinds of buttons for me.   It was a love child of many creative, goodhearted, and intelligent individuals.  Its got talking toys, beautiful animation, and I can sing every word of the opening song.  Step aside Golden Girl’s Theme; there’s a new song about friendship in town, and its taking the spot on Andy’s bed reserved for song I enjoy being stuck in my head. It has a story that never lets up, the voice actors are first class, and it was the start of some something special with animation.  That something special is showing adult conflicts being major themes in a kids movie.

Yes, I’m aware of other companies making wonderfully complex and intriguing animations  before Pixar’s lamp hopped across the cinema screen.  Hayao Miyazaki had already released several animations with deep meaning; one being Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind showing the destructive power of weapons of mass destruction destroying the things you don’t like, but consequently destroying you the like as well.  It plays out being a movie about the effects of nuclear war.  At least I think it does, it could just be about a giant robot killing giant slugs.

Disney also did animated movies, but point me out one that didn’t somehow revolve around “romance”, and isn’t Fantasia.  Don’t worry,  I’ll wait.

So what does Toy Story bring that other movies didn’t? Well from a child’s perspective, Toy Story is about Buzz and Woody going on an adventure  together, becoming friends, and outsmarting the sadistic Sid. However from the adult’s perspective, it’s about Woody over coming his insecurities in order to work with someone he finds ridiculous.  Now this is brilliant, parents were not expecting to walk in and think about insecurities, because animations aren’t typically fronted to be thought provoking.  This allows clever story writers to put real life conflicts in animated movies, and show how a rational person overcomes them.  Kids get positive examples being a part of there entertainment, and adults get entertaining examples of how to be positive.  The best part is that this wasn’t just a one time thing, and so many others caught on.

In a Bugs life, Flik is an underappreciated ant that learns how to be assertive, and stand up for his beliefs and ideas to the intimidating Hopper, and colony full of pragmatic ants.    In Finding Nemo,  Marlin witnesses the traumatic death of his family, and must now overcome his fear of it happening again, in order to save his son, Nemo.  Also Marlin learns that his disabled child is as strong or even stronger then himself.  That’s in a “kid’s” movie.

What about the new Pixar Movies you say!  Brave has a plot about a mother learning how to not force her expectations on a daughter.  Inside out is about how a person’s emotions are all connected in a intricate way, and that even undesired emotions like disgust and sadness can in some way bring joy in our lives.

The best part is Pixar isn’t even the only studio that does this, there loads of others.  Kung-Fu Panda, has got Panda that is perceived to be a failure and waste of time, but then by mastering his desirable and undesirable qualities becomes a Master of Kung-Fu.  Even Disney caught on with their release of Mulan, which challenged roles associated with gender, and found a way to squeeze in Donny Osman for us all to swoon over. Do I even have to say how great Shrek is? Do I even have to say how great all it’s sequels were?

However many studios didn’t catch on, and decided to still made cookie cutter movies filled with always exaggerating characters, and funny voices in hopes of being what our family enjoys on Saturday evening.  I’m looking at you Garfield, having Bill Murray in your movie doesn’t make it good!

If you want to delve more in to Pixar and all the wonderful people the make this company up, go find Creativity , Inc.  I listened to it on audio book, and can’t shut up about how god it is.

So next time that new animated movie pops up on your Netflix queue, or is suggested as an option next time your at a theater.   Give it a try, it might catch you off guard with something special.  It also might lead to a song that your kids will listen to every car trip your family takes for the next two years, but that’s just a pessimistic thought.  The best way to deal with negative thoughts, is to just “Let it go”